Poultry Poet Gifts

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Hen Night

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"

Suddenly, the line went dead.

"Dayum. She bootylicious."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I have a sweet pad and thirteen girlfriends. Can't beat a chicken's life."

"I'm being promoted in the company's pecking order."

'Mom said I'd be a late bloomer, but this is ridiculous.'

The Hen Commandments.

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

'Don't worry about retirement Irma: There's more to life than just laying eggs...'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

Crowing Rehearsals

'That's weird, do you smell barbecue sauce, Sarah'

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

"I don't know what it is, we just look fabulous in Cranberry."

'Oh, girls - someone left something verrry special on the couch.'

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

"I believe in eggs, and I think that you all believe in eggs, too!"

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

The Weekly Poultry Reading was Short-Lived.

Chicken Little meets Chicken Medium.