Poultry Poet Gifts

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Hen Night

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Suddenly, the line went dead.

"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I'm being promoted in the company's pecking order."

"I have a sweet pad and thirteen girlfriends. Can't beat a chicken's life."

"Dayum. She bootylicious."

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

'Don't worry about retirement Irma: There's more to life than just laying eggs...'

'Mom said I'd be a late bloomer, but this is ridiculous.'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

Crowing Rehearsals

'That's weird, do you smell barbecue sauce, Sarah'

The Weekly Poultry Reading was Short-Lived.

"I believe in eggs, and I think that you all believe in eggs, too!"

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

"I don't know what it is, we just look fabulous in Cranberry."

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

'Oh, girls - someone left something verrry special on the couch.'

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

"So how do we know if they've got this helium virus?"