Foodie For Avian Humor Gifts

Birds.

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"Sometimes, plastic in the ocean isn't bad... Ooh, that bottle cap will make a lovely bowl for Ed and Nicole!"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'