Bilingual Joker Gifts

"I need a cup of Jose."

'Thanks to Rosetta Stone, I can ask a hooker if she's a cop in three different languages.'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"See how it feels"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

Time Table

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

'Hi, your IT section sent me to test the network sockets.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

'This milk smells funny.'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

"I'm afraid you've got Sea Monkey pox."

Mange tout or man get out

A herd of sheep stand in a field; one sheep is wearing a t-shirt that reads "Staff".

The correct expression is "May I approach the bench?" , not "May I approach the barn?"