Bilingual Jokers Gifts

"Chiminelas caranchita!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

Time Table

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

The first transatlantic communication.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"Hey how do you spell Abominable?"

'I could murder a pint!'

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

Fart. Le Poot.

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

Mange tout or man get out

'Grumphie and frijol yields an unpleasant aubade.'

Thirteen states sounds so unlucky --- Are you sure we can't Nova Scotia to join?

The correct expression is "May I approach the bench?" , not "May I approach the barn?"

'Seven 'provided', thirteen 'buts' and twenty seven 'ifs' - this is the best stockmarket forecast to clients I've ever read.'

"You're writing in the masculine again."

'It's for you.'

'I speak three languages, if you include text-ese and my fake British accent.'

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

'I plan to hyphenate my name when I marry. But eventually I'd like to upgrade to a semicolon followed by a lightning bolt.'