Language Jokester Gifts

Twelve letters for "haste makes waste"? "Lickety splat"!

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"I think Baxter needs a break."

At the Brew-haha Comedy Club

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

The first transatlantic communication.

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

Whatcha doing, dad? I'm at work. Logging on. Tree's Tree Nursery.

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Time Table

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

"That must be Java Man!"

'Tender and Juicy.'

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

Summer Reading

"An olive or a twist?"

Charlie Shared a Post

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'