Big Baby Humorist Pillows

Car with 'Baby on Board' sticker. Son in back says - 'But Mum, Dad, I'm 17...'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

The Mothership

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

Newborn making the V-sign

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Got a clever one here...'

"Which one is yours?"

"Gee, my first man cave!"

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'