Biblical Story Commentator Gifts

'Thankfully, a loving God turned Lot's wife into something useful - a pillar of salt!'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Tell me the story about Jonah and the big fish again, Dad."

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

So … how did you two meet?

Eden. Hi, I'm version 2.0.

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Dad. I have a stow-a-way to report!'

'You should have thought about your allergies before you built the ark.'

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"Sorry, this is in Hebrew, and I only read Hieroglyphics!"

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."

Worst. God. Ever.

"Huh, Pharaoh let them go after the tenth plague. And here I was all set to send a coronavirus! Guess I'll just have to save it for later."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.

"King Herod sent us."