Bible Story Critic Gifts

'Technically speaking, though, isn't Eve under age?'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

Regifts of the Magi

Eden. Hi, I'm version 2.0.

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

So … how did you two meet?

The creation of the duck billed platypus.

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Moses' TV guide.

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

Forbidden Vegetable

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."