Bible Criticism Lover Gifts

Benedictus de Spinoza

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"OMG, LOL!"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Noah's ark, many lions

Christian and Born again Christian...

The First Printed Bible

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Meet the Author

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Rocket Ark

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"Sure he's cute, Lord. . . He's just not what I had a mind for a companion!"

"Who wants to live in a Garden Centre?"

Adam and Eve: The Later Years.

'Let there be cool.'

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

"Well yes, son. David probably did have the best how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation report."

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

'The manna's fine, but now we have a FINANCIAL crisis.'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'