Bible Criticism Lover Gifts

Benedictus de Spinoza

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"OMG, LOL!"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

Noah's ark, many lions

The First Printed Bible

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

Meet the Author

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

Rocket Ark

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"Who wants to live in a Garden Centre?"

"Sure he's cute, Lord. . . He's just not what I had a mind for a companion!"

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'Let there be cool.'

"Well yes, son. David probably did have the best how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation report."

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

'The manna's fine, but now we have a FINANCIAL crisis.'

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'