Biblical Criticism Gifts

Benedictus de Spinoza

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

Reading my Critics

Moses on the web

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

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