Bible Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'I wish I'd remembered MY business card.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"OMG, LOL!"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

Cheap Labour Countries.

Moses and the bridge.

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."