Bible Satire Fan Gifts

Evil Financial Advisor

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Hallelujah!"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

Moses and the Three Wise Monkeys

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"He changed water into wine!"

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Moral Outrage.

"The good news is everyone's on board. The bad news is the unicorns are gay."

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.