Bible Humor Fan Gifts

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'Not after it's been in some snake's mouth!'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".