Biblical Humor Fan Gifts

Moses leads his people to the dessert.

Eve's Mom

Jesus: the childhood years.

There are extenuating circustances when you consider that the apple was covered in dark chocolate and rolled in macadamia nuts....I'm only human.'

"Basically, Moses, the commandments are excellent as far as they go, but could you chisel out a few more covering issues like smoking and late tax returns?"

'Couldn't you just text these to me?'

Adam and Eve with his and hers trees choosing leaves.

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

Push button for sea to part.

"They think I made them in MY image? How did they get THAT idea?"

"Asparagus, insurance detective. You died and we paid your life insurance and suddenly you rise from the dead?! That's what I'd call insurance fraud, Mr Jesus!"

'No, crowdsourcing is not an option!'

First Person

Jesus on the pro water polo circuit.

The parting of the pizza

'Oh, we like the manna okay -- it's just that we're a little tired of ethnic food.'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

'Unicorn Again?'

Moses takes a rest.

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"That stuff sounds like PROFILING!"

"I don't care who your Dad is, you're spooking the fish"

"Things are still pretty chaotic down there."

"I'm seeing someone else."

"...He said we can have the stables, but there's no T.V. or WiFi."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

Mobile

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"He changed water into wine!"

"I hear the ark has no Wi-Fi. I think I'll take my chances here on land."

"I'll definitely need a surgical mask for this one."

"Anything about tampering with election results?"

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."