Biblical Comedy Fan Gifts

'Adam, are you sure this what He meant by 'being fruitful and multiplying'...?'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"