Biblical Comedy Buff Gifts

"One more, "get thee behind me Satan" and you'll experience "death do us part"."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Well, we needed the rain."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'