Satirical Bible Buff Gifts

If it had been today...

"Guess who brought king cake!"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'