Biblical Buff With A Twist Gifts

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"The hyenas started it."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

TSA Noah

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Are we there yet?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"We have a potentially serious problem accruing on the poop deck."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

'Look man, no wings!'

Bible Bloopers

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Caption Contest TK

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.