Biblical Buff With A Twist Pillows

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Yes, all at once!'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

TSA Noah

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Are we there yet?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"We have a potentially serious problem accruing on the poop deck."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

Caption Contest TK

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Look man, no wings!'

Bible Bloopers

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Snake in the grass...

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'Don't worry it's organic...'