Biblical Humor Aficionado Gifts

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

'Don't fret about that Kingdom of Heaven stuff - you would obviously liquidise the camel first.'

'No thanks, I'm trying to avoid getting involved in gang culture.'

'Now all we need is 5,000 packets of tarter sauce!'

Now, the serpent was the craftiest of all the animals in the garden.

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"Sitteth."

'Divorce... what the hell does this mean?'

"I always just check the box without reading that stuff."

"With you around Sampson will always have a jawbone handy if needed."

'I knew it - He's a NEOCON!'

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

Few know that after his resurrection Jesus invented the art of blowing soap bubbles.

...And he's got a cute bum.

'Palestine? -- We were hoping for someplace further AWAY than that.'

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

'Uh, You know that honor system you worked out with Adam and Eve?...'

'The manna? Oh, the manna is great -- Now, about our housing problem....'

"Hey! Jesus! Shut the door, it's freezing in here. Anyone would think you were born in a barn!"

'This is NOT a word association test!'

'I think it's about Noah's wife!'

"Yeah, but can you turn sparkling water into champagne?"

Moses' Tablet

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''