Biblical Satire Fans Gifts

"It's good....but I know these people...they're gonna want specifics!"

'If it's alright with you, I'd rather not inherit the earth.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

A surprise in heaven

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Hallelujah!"

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"He changed water into wine!"

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Moral Outrage.

"The good news is everyone's on board. The bad news is the unicorns are gay."

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

"Can we discuss this?"

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."