Biblical Satire Lovers Gifts

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

'Is it organic?'

"Then I told Jonah, I'm a big fish not a whale, get your story straight."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"OMG, LOL!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Cheap Labour Countries.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

Gates of heaven

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'All the tellers are nuns.'

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

About to take a triumphant departure from Ireland, Saint Patrick set his sights on world domination. That is, before his focus was diverted by a small harmless looking beverage.

Self raising Lazarus.

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

Holy Relics.

"Yeah, right, Noah. Like THAT'S gonna work!"

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."