Biblical Story Humorist Gifts

Sinking Arc

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'