Biblical Humorists Gifts

"Oooh! What's he gonna do now?!"

"'Thou shalt not covet ______'? Aren't we getting a little specific, Lord?"

'Admit it, there's another woman, isn't there?'

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

Jesus was banned from all future fishing tournaments

"Now it's a golden calf! - I TOLD You that You should stop with the monkeys!"

Moses knew how to make a good first impression.

'But Adam, all I did was download a little applet.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

I think it's time we started seeing other people.

Turtles and snails boarding Noah's Ark.

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"For crying out loud, Adam, put this on before you catch a cold."

'Wander in the desert for forty years? -Is this some kind of FITNESS program?'

'There are only ten commandments, but wait until you see the tax code!'

Life preserver

This meek will inherit the earth thing --- Will it be a structured settlement or a lump-sum payment?

"The disciples are gonna be totally freaked."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."