Bible Humorist Gifts

'Whoa! - These aren't touchy-feely at ALL!'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

Elijah being fed by the ravens.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"Joshua said we are all going to have skin the game..."

Chad and Wally, the Apostles who sat the bench.

"I suppose just minding our own business isn't an option?"

Save The Whales

Jurassic Ark

'If you think the plagues were bad, just wait till we start selling flowers on street corners!'

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Fruit?" "Cheese?"

Do not open 'til Christmas...

'Son. . . how many times have I told you to wait at least a half hour after a meal before you go parting waters?'

"You've all abstained for at least one hour from any food and drink, except for water and medicine, right?"

Moses parts the sea to discover shopping trolleys at the bottom.

Hotel Rooms of the Old Testment

"After Goliath..he never quite matched up to his original promise."

What Moses Should've Said

Miraculous Architecture

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'