Bible Humorist Gifts

'Whoa! - These aren't touchy-feely at ALL!'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

Elijah being fed by the ravens.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"Joshua said we are all going to have skin the game..."

Chad and Wally, the Apostles who sat the bench.

"I suppose just minding our own business isn't an option?"

Save The Whales

'If you think the plagues were bad, just wait till we start selling flowers on street corners!'

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Fruit?" "Cheese?"

Moses parts the sea to discover shopping trolleys at the bottom.

Hotel Rooms of the Old Testment

What Moses Should've Said

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Fishing with God

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'