Biblical Scholar Wannabe Gifts

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

"To create the universe, hit the space bar."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"I've got writer's block."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"What did Jesus order?"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'