Biblical History Buff Gifts

"Do these plants make me look fat?"

'How do you know you don't like manna from heaven if you haven't tried it?'

'Which star was it again?'

"Moses carried forty pound tablets down the mountain with no back brace? Where was OSHA?"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Not for me, thanks, but I wouldn't mind a banana.'

Noah's brother Phill, doomed them all when he got lost.

'Of course, there are a lot more implied powers.'

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

'I'd say it's six of one and one half dozen of the other.'

Moses parting the birthday cake

'Here she comes... put your best foot forward.'

'Forty years wandering in the desert? -- but my legs have already begun to go!'

Noah Sent and Received the First Tweet

Joshua as a kid

Plagues

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Not again! Just when you've eaten and are totally full, one of the family decides to incite a locust swarm.'

'Who died and made YOU Pharaoh?'

You two go, I'm following the stars on Twitter.

'Look out lads. They've got vuvuzelas!'

'I see it as a response to flood warnings.'

'Her! -- You moved the goal posts!'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

The sheep on Noah's ark got bored and took up water skiing.

Moses clears debris from floor of Red Sea

"I got it from Joseph."

'King Solomon had seven hundred wives, Ed, and you just have the one. Surely you can work out your differences.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"The hyenas started it."

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Luxury cruise you said!'