Benefit Enthusiast Gifts

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

Employee Benefits

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

"I think he's been capitalised!"

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"This data shows us that we are going up to a new level."

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

And this is my dance of the third quarters profit ratio.

Making Money.

Delighted worker being propelled through the air on the back of the scale coming right off the chart

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'

What do you MEAN money isn't everything? We are a bank!

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"So this 'customer care' idea seems to be working."

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'We offer a comprehensive healthcare plan, paid vacation, and a generous pension. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to pay you a salary.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

"Beneath this calm exterior, I'm obsessed with making profits."

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'Thank you for the treasurer's report, Miss Elkins.'

'Good news: First-quarter profits should be strong and second-quarter prison sentences should be light.'

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"