Benefits Advocate Gifts

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Labor Day '19

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

Heart shaped man exercising with weights.

"But, pop, I hardly expected the oil price bust to affect my allowance."

"When do you think the upturn in the economy will have an input in my allowance?"

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

"It's a newstart rescue canoe ."

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

Employee Benefits

The Importance of Medicine

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

Amazing new parenting methods...No. 94, preventing obesity.

"We have reason to believe you're co-rabbiting whilst in receipt of benefit."

'Taking money from the old and disabled is despicable!' - 'If I was in politics it would be called bold and innovative.'

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

"Regarding salary and benefits, pick one or the other."

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

Think outside the job

Universal Credits Computer: Kaput

'You've been assessed as incapable of doing this work.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but recurrent ice cream headaches don't qualify you for disability."

David Cameron's Happiness Index

'Health benefit? Didn't you get a personal first aid kit when you started working here?'

"I've been talking to my friend Billy, and he reckons you've been under paying me in pocket money for years!"

"They say walking can change your life. Bye!"

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.