Benefits Administrator Gifts

"I'm afraid we do rather make people jump through hoops for disability benefits."

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

Labor Day '19

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

Employee Benefits

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

'Since the cuts this is what we get instead of an incapacity benefits officer.'

"We have reason to believe you're co-rabbiting whilst in receipt of benefit."

"We do have good health coverage, but then we never get od and we never get sick."

"It's no use making all that fuss - there's no such thing as attention seekers allowance."

"Don't worry, I'll be very discreet with your personal medical information."

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

"Regarding salary and benefits, pick one or the other."

Benefit mistakes cost £one billion a year... Well, in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct, they just weren't in the right order.

'You've been assessed as incapable of doing this work.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but recurrent ice cream headaches don't qualify you for disability."

"Take me to your benefits office."

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.

'Sure, I could do better, but you try finding a job with medical and dental in this economy.'

"I'll see what I can do - Just how ticklish ARE you?"

'No, you don't get a check because your computer is disabled.'