Benefits Enthusiast Gifts

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'

"Of course, with the position that has the benefits—medical, dental, et cetera—there is no salary."

"Fixed-term contracts, social benefits, pension plans, health insurance. . . we have nothing to complain about. And that's why we're on strike!"

Packaging Russian Dolls

Welcome to the Team

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

'G-go ahead, F-Fred; p-pre-announce our disappointing 3rd quarter.'

Our dental plan consists of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

". . . And you thought last month's sales figures just happened?"

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

"Having a fine old name really has been enough for me."

"Well, apparently a mission statement and a value statement are not the same thing."

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"

"I'm not sure you're taking this bonus cap thing seriously."

'Retire now and we'll throw in this set of steak knives! But wait, that's not all...'

'Today, tax free municipals rose...on news that what's important is not how much you earn, but how much you get to keep!'

Employee Benefits

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

Will work for humongous bonus.

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'