Benefit Package Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'Special Delivery!'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

"Dear Mum, please stop sending me food parcels..."

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'We offer a comprehensive healthcare plan, paid vacation, and a generous pension. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to pay you a salary.'

You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"I'm not sure you're taking this bonus cap thing seriously."

'Right... twenty squats and fifty press ups or no fit note.'

'I'm going to use it to write letters to keep our health benefits, son...we veterans have a new battle when we get back.'

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

He must have given Johnson a rise - he just did a back-flip.

Will work for humongous bonus.

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

Employee Benefits

"Emanaditas...grilled cheese sandwich...a mango... Oh yeah! And ice! Last time I sent a care package to my brother in Iraq, he said it was all spoiled."

Will work for health insurance.

"Fixed-term contracts, social benefits, pension plans, health insurance. . . we have nothing to complain about. And that's why we're on strike!"

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

"We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

45% of my bonus goes to taxes.

'In this business you can't motivate top staff with huge salaries. It's the bonuses and share options that really count.'

Guess the size of my bonus and win a free lottery ticket.