Benefit Seekers Gifts

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"I'm looking for a position where I can slowly lose sight of what I originally set out to do with my life, with benefits."

You're eliminating my heath care benefits? Yes, I'm sorry to say. You can't do that. Of course I can. I'm your employer. I'm cutting costs, which I happen to love. I'm telling you, you can't. Watch me. I never had benefits in the first place! This is so devastating.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

A fight in the Boardroom.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

"Who's ready to see what's going to happen in the fourth quarter?"

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

"It's not enough being a cat anymore. I want to be a fat cat."

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

Business men and women walking around following dollar signs.

Business Outlook

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'I took my money out of the bank and put it into municipal bonds...'

"I just think things will work out for the best, and by the best I mean me."

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

"And this all happened in the last week..."

'He's a great leader...he doesn't care who gets the credit...as long as he gets the money.'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'