Benefit Plan Aficionado Gifts

'We offer a comprehensive healthcare plan, paid vacation, and a generous pension. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to pay you a salary.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

They get into debt so fast these days...

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

'The client loves your work. Cut everything except for their logo.'

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

Great Poets of Catalogdom

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

"I can't wait to see our new ad campaign. Wait, don't tell me...it's NEW and IMPROVED!"

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

Branding Consultant

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

You've done it again, Harry.

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

"Advertising is a simple business, Nathan. Always remember that less is more, except, of course, for those situations where less is actually less."

"P.J. is right. 'Rock solid financial product' does sound better than 'contrived get rich quick scheme.'"

'Bandwagon Marketing & Advertising... Specializing in political candidates.'

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."