Benefit Plan Aficionado Gifts

'We offer a comprehensive healthcare plan, paid vacation, and a generous pension. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to pay you a salary.'

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Copywriter's blank paper compared to the gridded screen of a content provider.

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

They get into debt so fast these days...

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

'The client loves your work. Cut everything except for their logo.'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

"I can't wait to see our new ad campaign. Wait, don't tell me...it's NEW and IMPROVED!"

Pharmco Marketing Dept. We have an improved measles vaccine. How should we promote it? TV spots!

Branding Consultant

'Bandwagon Marketing & Advertising... Specializing in political candidates.'

"P.J. is right. 'Rock solid financial product' does sound better than 'contrived get rich quick scheme.'"

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

"Advertising is a simple business, Nathan. Always remember that less is more, except, of course, for those situations where less is actually less."

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

You've done it again, Harry.

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

Money Flow increases as Tiger Woods returns to the game.