Barnyard Critic Gifts

Grass Snobs

...and your accessibility leaves a lot to be desired!

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

Cow Show Tunes

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

"They’re real."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

Moo! OOM!

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

Wife to husband dressed as pantomime cow: 'I know you're exhausted, love, but at least the panto season is now ... BEHIND YOU!!'

Ham-Dram

Bad news I'm afraid. Our universe is shrinking!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'Your barn door's open.'

'With a herd of three cows it doesn't take long for inventory, does it, Dad?'

"I not only have to wake up the cows, I have to wake up the rooster."

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'First of all, I want you to know that my door is always open...'

"We need less cowbell!"

"Can you milk a cow?"

"Dad...how do you know when to stop?"

'No. I insist. You first.'

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

'Is it slop yet?'

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of working with goats are the hardest.'

'Let's see... two clucks, three baas, one quack, two oinks, and eight neighs- once again, the neighs have it.'