Barn Banter Enthusiast Gifts

Hay fever??

"I wish you'd shut that door! - Were you born in a barn??"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

'You can stop worrying about your husband Mrs.Dellrow...He's going to be fine,now that we have him in a stable condition.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"You know, I think the novelty of living in a converted Barn is starting to wear off."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'm not whining."

'John... is that a collar?'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door