Barkatarian Gifts

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

'What clan do you belong to?'

Scottish party

Out of kilter.

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

"Well, if she didn't insist on giving me this stupid look, she wouldn't need to buy me coats in winter..."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

Highland Piper.

"That's just not the real me."

The Scottish Lawn

I know they told me not to bark

"It's the dog."

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

"He's sending an instant message."

Where Scottish milk comes from.

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

Woman pulling tartan trolley and a Scotsman pulling bagpipes.

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

Scottish Love

Conan the Custodian.

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

The killing of journalists

"Now watch this, bark recognition."

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

Axes 'R' Us Store

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

'Congratulations son, you've been invited to play for the barbarians.'

'I bark, therefore I am.'

Pete had found his home planet.

Scottish Birthday