Barbarian Gifts

'I always wanted to be a barbarian because I through it was a librarian that also cuts hair.'

Axes 'R' Us Store

Trial by Media

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

I love Lawyers

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I know it's gassy...'

Shaken not stirred

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

"Bailiff."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"