Barbarian Gifts

'I always wanted to be a barbarian because I through it was a librarian that also cuts hair.'

Axes 'R' Us Store

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

I love Lawyers

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Barristers

Shaken not stirred

'I know it's gassy...'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

"Bailiff."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Law School teacher.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'