Barbarian Humor Lovers Gifts

"A fork?! And you call yourself a barbarian?!"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Complementary Beverages

'Snap out of it.'

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

Silicon Vale

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

Advent Calender.

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"You've been a very bad man and we like that. So now, we're going to send you to London."

Get Over It, You Remoaners!

'Bearnaise sauce again,' he cried. 'I can't bear the thought of it!'

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

Virtual Lap Dancing

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

William Hague as a punk.

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

Virtual interview.

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

'No. I insist. You first.'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

Proposed Site for New Three Storey Mirage

Imagine the mess the world woudl be in if we didn't have the best executives money can buy running it.

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"Who's the daddy?"

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."