Barkitecht Gifts

'Oh Mike, I love what you've done to the place...'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Werewolves of London..."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"Have you tried biting him?"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"Well, if she didn't insist on giving me this stupid look, she wouldn't need to buy me coats in winter..."

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson of the Board. One of you will be President.'

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

Egyptology Books form Pyramid

"It's the dog."

Building Books.

It doesn't matter if our house is made out of bricks, we've got a sub-prime mortgage!

Why some marriages work

'Your new grade level rates an office, but the furniture comes assembly required.'

Big Berts Brickmaking Academy

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

Sitting down

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

"Here lies Ole Kirk Christiansen. Born 1891. Died 1958. Founder of Lego."

'Oh, he was bored with the toys within hours, but he's still enjoying the batteries.'

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

'Not now, mother! I'm assembling my sexy wall unit.'

'This can't be good.'

'You call that an organization chart, Foley? It looks just like the NCAA college basketball brackets.'