Furniture Builder Gifts

'Your new grade level rates an office, but the furniture comes assembly required.'

"Scheme to keep the Taliban occupied, whilst ground forces move in..."

Why some marriages work

"With or without directions this time?"

"Nurse, the allen key, please."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

God's Subcontractors

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Fittd shēt

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

'I like it but frankly, I had something more substantial in mind.'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.