Barkitecht Pillows

'Oh Mike, I love what you've done to the place...'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Werewolves of London..."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"Have you tried biting him?"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"Well, if she didn't insist on giving me this stupid look, she wouldn't need to buy me coats in winter..."

Toys and environmental pollution

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson of the Board. One of you will be President.'

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

I know they told me not to bark

"Thank God you're here, first I need your help assembling this Ikea exorcism futon."

LEGO profits.

"It's the dog."

Egyptology Books form Pyramid

Building Books.

'Your new grade level rates an office, but the furniture comes assembly required.'

Why some marriages work

It doesn't matter if our house is made out of bricks, we've got a sub-prime mortgage!

Big Berts Brickmaking Academy

"Here lies Ole Kirk Christiansen. Born 1891. Died 1958. Founder of Lego."

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

'Oh, he was bored with the toys within hours, but he's still enjoying the batteries.'

Sitting down

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

'Not now, mother! I'm assembling my sexy wall unit.'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

'This can't be good.'