Barkatarian Pillows

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out on a walk for the next twenty minutes and plan on barking remotely until my return."

'What clan do you belong to?'

Scottish party

Out of kilter.

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

"Well, if she didn't insist on giving me this stupid look, she wouldn't need to buy me coats in winter..."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Highland Piper.

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"That's just not the real me."

The Scottish Lawn

Where Scottish milk comes from.

"He's sending an instant message."

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

"It's the dog."

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

The killing of journalists

Scottish Love

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

Woman pulling tartan trolley and a Scotsman pulling bagpipes.

Conan the Custodian.

"Now watch this, bark recognition."

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

Axes 'R' Us Store

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

'Congratulations son, you've been invited to play for the barbarians.'

'I bark, therefore I am.'

Scottish Birthday

"Do you have one in silver?"