Barkaholic Pillows

"It's the dog."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

"His real name is Major, but everyone call him GET DOWN!"

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

Dogs

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

No Soliciting

Man running in a hamster wheel

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

'When I took this job, I had no idea how much it would cut into my quality, family texting time.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

'What's amazing is that I only threw one stick.'

Computer monitor for a head.

'I didn't come in to hear that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I came for more wax.'

'I found him on the internet.'

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

"I need to clone myself."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'