Bark Banterer Gifts

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"That's just not the real me."

"He's sending an instant message."

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

'Oh for God's sake just ignore it!'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"Now watch this, bark recognition."

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

"Who's a pretty boy?"

Noise machines for dogs.

"Tales of the Bungee Leash"

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

"I have four stomachs and one of them always seems to be hungry.''

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

Grange Hildegard.

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

Free Associating.

Fined Dining

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

'Before I give you the bill, I'm supposed to ask if you'd like me to buy you dinner first.'

"It all started when the neighbour bought a leaf blower..."