Bark Banter Gifts

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"His real name is Major, but everyone call him GET DOWN!"

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Dogs

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'What's amazing is that I only threw one stick.'

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

'I found him on the internet.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

"That's just not the real me."

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'They do say they're a shy breed.'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

A day in the life of a dog.