Barber Shop Philosopher Gifts

If elected, I promise my beard will not remain in the awkward stage

'Read about Samson & Delilah. . . Better yet - see a live demonstration.'

"Never discuss politics with your barber."

"You don't whisper anymore."

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Drunk Barber

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

An idea box in a shower

Rutger Shower

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"I'm thinkin' blond."

"...and yes, you did take too much off the top!"

Continental Drift.

"I have to admit, Donald is a little possessive."

"I do my best thinking in the shower... do I need to run 5 miles a day in order to take one?"

"Not too much off my back."

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

A Feud between Al and Tony leaves Mr. Coyle with a prosthetic ear.

I have to admit, I enjoyed that fruity concoction you convinced me to try. In light of that, I will extend to you a brief respite from my usually relentless attacks upon your character.

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

I realized I do my best thinking in the shower.

Big, Tall, & Hairy

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

Have a drink with me tonight. I can't I'm married. Tell your husband you're working. Tell him yourself, he's shaving you.

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

Wash and Let My People Go

Man looking in mirror at the barber's.

When I was a kid, I dreamed of going to medical school. I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Really? But I was great at football, wound up playing in college and got derailed. Everything came so easy. Who needed medical school? House of Java.net Cybercafe. But maybe what really happened was that I suffered concussions, and lost my drive and ability. and not I just hang out all day and serve as a sex object for hot chicks. Worked out beautifully. I need to get some concussions.

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

"Sir, your sitting here and drinking coffee while simply musing is making our guests uncomfortable."

"It's a novel about quarterly reports."