Barber Shop Philosopher Pillows

If elected, I promise my beard will not remain in the awkward stage

'Read about Samson & Delilah. . . Better yet - see a live demonstration.'

"Never discuss politics with your barber."

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Drunk Barber

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

An idea box in a shower

"...and yes, you did take too much off the top!"

"I'm thinkin' blond."

Continental Drift.

"I have to admit, Donald is a little possessive."

"Not too much off my back."

"I do my best thinking in the shower... do I need to run 5 miles a day in order to take one?"

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

A Feud between Al and Tony leaves Mr. Coyle with a prosthetic ear.

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

Big, Tall, & Hairy

Have a drink with me tonight. I can't I'm married. Tell your husband you're working. Tell him yourself, he's shaving you.

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

Wash and Let My People Go

Man looking in mirror at the barber's.

"Sir, your sitting here and drinking coffee while simply musing is making our guests uncomfortable."

"It's a novel about quarterly reports."

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

'Well... At least we finally know where all those missing socks from the dryer went.'

"Could you trim the sides but leave it feathered on top?"

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

"I've never once had a good idea in the shower."