Barber Shop Humorist Gifts

"Just take a bit off the sides and... WHAAAAAAA..."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

Not you. Your hair.

What price beauty?

"What other tricks does he need?"

Ed's receding hairline!

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Drunk Barber

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"...and yes, you did take too much off the top!"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I'm thinkin' blond."

Bald Man Overcomb

"We've been victorious in many battles, and yet helmet hair remains our fiercest foe."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Just a trim for me thanks.'

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

''Just face it - you're going bald.'

"Can you suggest something that will enhance my hairstyle?"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

Toupee in a tin.

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Not too much off my back."

Bobo's Barber Shop

"His baldness was way out of control, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

"Huston, we have a bad hairday problem!"

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"And you thought you were having a bad hair day."

'I'd like a brandy please...'