Bar Stool Sage Gifts

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Music producers.

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

One way only.

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"Of course, you try to raise your kids so they won't need lawyers."

Bishop playing pool, "I like his unholier than thou attitude."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"I only drink to be sociable. . . if it's any of your business!"

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'The liquor store was overstocked, and it seemed like a shame to let it all go to waste.'

"I'm not drunk! I'm jush looking for my car keyish."

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

Street Smarts.